Cade: The secret
by ItsPuckett
Summary: Cat and Jade are having a secret. The story about the secret is seen through Jade's Pov. One shot. "She thought I only did it for pleasure which I also did, until I now realized I loved her, no I LOVE her."


It had been going on quite a while and i wanted things to stay like that. Thinking about it now it should never had happened, or at least it should had stopped sooner that it did. I should had taken action. But i didn't, it happened and that's just how it was.

I was still with Beck at that time, but it just didn't feel right. Not that I didn't love him I really did, I think. It was just not enough for me, you know? I would make love to him, feel it and then lose it within no time. It was a complicated time. A time for me to find out who I was and I eventually figured it out.

It was at that time I started seeing Cat. We would occasionally have our "movie nights" and "sleep overs". But it was more than that, it was amazing but something that shouldn't have played out ever. Yes, I slept with Cat while being with Beck, and I'm not proud of it, I was selfish. I was selfish because I didn't think about what Beck felt about it, neither did I think about how Cat was feeling about it. Which is what I regret the most, not thinking about Cat and how she felt. Only thinking about my own pleasure.

I would call her anytime of the day and night, and she would be there ready for me. She was an amazing friend but what was I? I wasn't a good friend at all, I used her, and I didn't give a fuck. What kind of friend was i? She was my everything but I found out too late.

She would let me touch her places, places no one has ever touched her. She would let me kiss her everywhere, she would open not only her legs, but everything she could give. It was more of a taking than giving from my side. I knew she didn't like me at all, not in that perspective I liked her, she didn't enjoy the touching and kissing. Then why would she do it? She did it all for me, she knew me and Becks problems and she wanted to be the good friend. She only wanted me to feel good, to help me with my needs. Yes, she would get aroused, she would moan, she would rarely buckle her hips into me but that was all. And thinking about it, those moans didn't escape her perfectly shaped lips because she was being pleasured by someone she had feelings for, no those moans was because she just was being touched and it could be by whoever. So you could say those moans were fake, but I don't blame her at all.

I knew she didn't have feelings for me, so while I was gaining feelings she wasn't. I knew her so well, so well that I knew she would cry the second I would leave her. Not because she was sad that I leaved, not because she was happy, but because she was doing something she didn't like, something she felt pushed into. She was giving her body to someone that already belonged to someone else. I know she would be able to gain feelings, it wasn't impossible, but she couldn't because she wasn't allowed to.

As I knew Cat, she was having a hard time accepting it, and accepting it was a secret. I have no idea how many times I had to tell her she was not allowed to tell anyone for any sake about those little plays we had going on. She had to go to school every day being surrounded by people who didn't knew. Being surrounded by oblivious Beck and me. She kept a huge secret that she couldn't tell and had to carry around everywhere and freaked herself out more and more. I saw the sadness grew stronger and stronger for every time, for everyday. But what could a selfish chick do? it had already been going on for a while, so why stop It at that point? That was what I thought, never thought about sooner or later, but I knew what comes around goes around, but never imagined it.

I remember one time.  
>I called her at 12 pm, because I needed her I needed relieve. She didn't even question me, she didn't even need me to say anything. I called her and she would just say "you can come over" with no feelings in her voice, nothing. So I did, I came to her house and we got started. We chose the shower or i did, so I took off my clothes and turned the shower on, feeling the hot water run through the surface of my body.<p>

I remember standing there for a while when Cat entered the bathroom. She started undressing herself while I would watch her as cold as I was. She then walked into the shower, her hands covered her breasts, and face down. She wouldn't make eye contact with me not even 1 time during a play. She just stood there waiting for me to take action, to take the next step, waiting for it all to end, and then cry it all out. I made her feel shit only for me too feel good. I started lightly touching her arms caress them with my finger tips.

I'm not sure why I always did that, why I always made a big deal out of the foreplay when I knew it didn't mean anything to her and it just had to be over as soon as possible for her. Maybe because I wanted her to calm down or was it just for my own sake? I mean the foreplay didn't necessary mean anything to what was about to happen. It was perhaps for myself to feel less guilty? Knowing I used her but atleast I tried to make it comfortable for her. I tried to make her feel just a little bit okay. Somewhere deep inside I knew no matter what I did or how gentle I was with her, she would still never enjoy it. Of course I didn't let It bother me that she didn't enjoy it like I did, I mean I was Jade and still am. I still had to have that feeling I didn't do anything wrong when I actually was.

I was always like that. I have always tried to make things I did wrong to something that wasn't wrong. Though, it was all in my mind, I did something wrong for everyone but for me I could do no wrong. One of my flaws I had realized too late.

After the touching, I removed her arms to expose her small perky chocolate nipples. She was hesitant but she did it for me. I gently started to kiss her from her mouth to her jawline then down her neck. We had one rule: No love bites. I thought that was only fair after all the things I putted her into.

I squeezed her small breasts while licking her lips begging for entrance. Her lips started to part and I would enter her. She let me do anything to her but she didn't do anything. She would just stand there and let me do my thing. I didn't need anyone to touch me this was more than enough and I was thankful, but she didn't believe me.  
>I started to lick her breasts then move further down as I kissed her flat soft stomach. She was my drug, she was all I needed. I went even further down and it was here I would finish her. I started to rub her inner lips and drew circles on her clit. I could feel she was wet and she let out a "moan" as I pressed my thumb roughly against her clit. I licked her inner lips feeling her hotness and tasting her. She tasted sweet surprisingly, as most cum tend to be a little salty. Hers wasn't, probably what dragged me.<p>

She actually never came which I did, only by the taste of her. Yes, she got aroused but never enough to make her come which I never expected her to. I then squeezed her petite butt while I with greed ate her out. None of us ever said a word. When I came I would just leave.

When I was finished with her she just sat down in the shower and she didn't say a word. She started to cry out and what did I do? I continued cleaning myself and putted on some clothes not giving a flying fuck. I could hear her cry out. Even though she was soaked in tears I would look at her just before leaving saying:

"Thank you… Cat, see you tomorrow"

She was terrified. I made her terrified she would jerk by the thought of having to look me in the eyes the next day in the school, and then with big chance having to give her body to me again knowing she could never love me. I felt like a stranger to her. It was like the good past we had before we started this thing was gone and we started all over as strangers but with no developments after that. Just stuck in the same old lane going the wrong way, or maybe nowhere at all.

So where am I now? Opening my heart for you all and telling my story about how I lost my best friend, the best friend I could ever ask for, the person I loved the most in the would, but didn't realize until now. Well there is nothing much for me anymore. Last time I saw Cat was just after a play and I told her I loved her, and she, yeah what exactly did she do? She pushed me away, she finally said no, she told me she wasn't asking for it. So yeah as I said, I lost my best friend only to realize that I was going to lose Beck too. Yes, I found out I like girls, which I think might become obvious to you. So did it for me, finally, but not finally enough. I accepted it right after I lost Cat, right after she left me for good. She thought I only did it for pleasure which I also did, until I now realized I loved her, no I LOVE her.

Looking at whos winning in this game, its not me. Im still useless and cold. She made it. She made it to where we all wanted to. She is on Broadway now slaying in everything she does. And how do I know? Because I never ended my interest in her. I have been her biggest fan since the start, she just doesn't know. I go to her shows and to her performances. I have never seen her as happy as she is now and I guess I'm happy for her. Never seen her shine as bright as now, knowing I was the reason she never shined in the past.


End file.
